**These are from a book called Disorder in the
American Courts, and are things people said in court, taken
Down and now published by court reporters.**
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment
Of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it
Affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
Memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an
Example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
Husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daug hter has
Ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when
A person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
Morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
Twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture
Was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the
Baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that
Time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid!
________________________________________________
ATTOR NEY: She ha d three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a
Different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
Terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
Terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose
Terminated it?
&nbs p;
______ __________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
Beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
Pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies
Have you performed on dead people?
W ITNESS: All m y autopsies are performed on
Dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
Examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p. m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
Wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.
________ ______________ __________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
Sample?
WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that
Question?
________________________________________________
**--- And the best for last: ---**
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
Autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
Patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
Desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have
Still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
Have been alive and practicing law.
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