What Did the Ant Say when He Walked into the Insurance Office?

An underwriter, an insurance agent, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train. The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the insurance agent has a red five finger mark on his cheek.

The blonde is thinking: the insurance agent must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakenly groped the old lady, so she slapped him.

The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him.

The insurance agent is thinking: the underwriter must have groped the blonde in the dark and she mistakenly slapped me instead of him.

The underwriter is thinking: I can´t wait for the next tunnel so I can slap that damn insurance agent again!!!
 
Two people are flying in a hot air balloon and realize they are lost. They see a man on the ground, so they navigate the balloon to where they can speak to him. They yell to him, "Can you help us - we're lost."

The man on the ground replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, about two hundred feet off the ground." One of the people in the balloon replies to the man on the ground, "You must be an actuary. You gave us information that is accurate, but completely useless."

The actuary on the ground yells to the people in the balloon, "you must be in marketing." They yell back, "yes, how did you know?" The actuary says," well, you're in the same situation you were in before you talked to me, but now it's my fault."
 
A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, "I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live."

"Oh that´s terrible," the woman sighs, "what am I going do?"

The doctor replies, "Marry an insurance agent."

"Will I live longer?" asks the woman. "

"No," replies the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
 
Mr. John Smith III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher: "I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me." Mr. Smith died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest. On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Smith, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted". Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Smith. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it's what Mr. Smith would've wanted". The insurance agent was angry at both the men and said: "I can't believe you two, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Smith a check for the full $30,000.
 
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.

The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The puzzled lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"
 
Hate to spoil the party but I think this should be in the non insurance forum.
 
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