What Did the Ant Say when He Walked into the Insurance Office?

[senior-advisor-indiana]

That could be said of many threads. I think it is a good thread. And many of the posters are people that contribute.

Keep your political propaganda out of this...

 

[WinoBlues]

Keep your political propaganda out of this...

Boy, are you going to get yelled at. Did I spell all of that correctly? B-)

 

[xrac]

That could be said of many threads. I think it is a good thread. And many of the posters are people that contribute.

Then I will join the party too.

An actuary and a farmer were travelling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in a meadow, the actuary said, "There are 1248 sheep out there." The farmer replied, "Amazing. By chance, I know the owner, and the figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?" The actuary answered, "Easy, I just counted the number of legs and divided by four.

 

[LifeWorth]

Mr. John Smith III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher: "I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me." Mr. Smith died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest. On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Smith, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted". Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Smith. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it's what Mr. Smith would've wanted". The insurance agent was angry at both the men and said: "I can't believe you two, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Smith a check for the full $30,000.

I don't get it...........

 

[xrac]

I don't get it...........

I hope you are kidding???????????????

 

[JohnWalker]

Mr. John Smith III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher: "I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me." Mr. Smith died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest. On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Smith, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted". Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Smith. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it's what Mr. Smith would've wanted". The insurance agent was angry at both the men and said: "I can't believe you two, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Smith a check for the full $30,000.

I'm going to post this on my company's facebook page right now. I'm sure all my customers will find it as funny as I did

 

[scagnt83]

That could be said of many threads. I think it is a good thread. And many of the posters are people that contribute.

I agree. Plus most of the jokes are about insurance... so why should insurance jokes go in the non-insurance forum... that would be a miscategorization.

 

[DHK]

An underwriter takes his two actuaries into a restaurant. The waiter asks the underwriter what he would like to he and the underwriter replies, "I'll have the steak."

Then the waiter asks the underwriter: "And for your vegetables?"

The underwriter replies, "They'll have the steak too."

***

Question: What do you call an actuary who is talking to someone?
Answer: Popular

Question: How do you tell the difference between an actuary and the deceased
person at a funeral?
Answer: The deceased has a new tie.

Question: What's the difference between a sperm and an actuary?
Answer: The sperm has a one in a million chance of becoming a human being.

Question: What did the actuary receive for first degree murder:
Answer: Twenty years certain and life thereafter

Question: What is a joke to an actuary?
Answer: Something that ALMOST makes him or her laugh.

Question: How do you keep an actuary in the shower all day?
Answer: Give the actuary a bottle of shampoo which says, "lather, rinse, repeat."

***

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an actuary joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an actuary. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an actuary. And the guy sitting next to him is 6'5" tall, 250 pounds, and he's an actuary. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?"

The first guy say, "No, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

***

An actuary is a CPA who found CPA work too exciting.

An actuary is a CPA who didn't have the personality for it.

 

[xrac]

Sex Life Insurance

If you sleep with your wife that's Legal and General.
If you sleep with your girlfriend that's Mutual Trust.
If you sleep with a prostitute that's Commercial Union.
If you sleep with all types that's Group Life.
If your wife lets you sleep around that's Liberty Life.

 

[Tri-State]

DHK, I thought for sure you'd have this one:

How do you tell the difference between an introverted actuary and an extroverted actuary?

The extroverted actuary looks at your shoes when you talk to him.