Originally Posted by jos.ins
I am looking to send out post cards to homeowners in my area. One side of the card will have a picture of their neighborhood and the other side will have a short letter saying something like
I was in your area and you have the most gorgeous home on (your street). You appear as someone who takes good care of their belongings and has pride of ownership. I am expanding my insurance business into (your area). You are the type of homeowner I am have built my business around. I would love to work with you." and then have a copy of my business card.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
I'm not sure what the proper word is for it but I absolutely hate your opening line. Other than that, you aren't conveying what you are selling.